Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Random Thoughts

I am not sleeping, so thought I would post. Dr. Chen communicated with the hospital doctor and they have derived a plan. Bryan, nor I, understand it, but will go with the flow. I think, I am tired of thinking! I really would like to have him come home, so we can be a family again. It is so hard for me to leave the hospital each evening, but the kids need mom time. Last night, Hannah asked when would she see Daddy again. I need to take the children up more often, but their energy is draining for Bryan.

I am pleased with his energy level. He took two walks yesterday around the ward. At daylight, I will count the steps it takes to get to the end of our block and back and then compare that to the number of steps he takes walking around the ward with IV pole in hand!

They were to begin TPN last night, which is IV nutrition. He has not eaten since Thursday morning, except for ice chips and two Popsicles. Dr. Chen requested the NG tube be clamped to see if anything passes through the bowel. He wants to keep Bryan on TPN rather than insert the feeding tube. I have read there is increased opportunity for infection with TPN, which they are administering through his port. Pray that he won't develop infection; if he does, the port will have to be removed.

He has immersed himself in the Word. We read to each other, especially the Psalms. They really are comforting.

I was reflecting on our wedding day--how blessed we were, carefree and joyful. Our theme verse for the day was Ecc. 4:9-12, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. " The three-stranded cord, Jesus, Bryan and I, has been a cord of strength for 22 years. We are still blessed and still joyful, but carefree will have to await glory! Last night he called to inform me he was chilling. This is the third experience with this. The first two times I was at the hospital and was able to help him get warm--I felt so helpless last night talking to him while his teeth chattered. He doesn't have a fever; it has something to do with the ins and outs of his fluids, according to one nurse.

The birds have begun to sing. I am encouraged by the sound of song birds. They have a song on their lips when they awaken and when they go to sleep. My song for today is Psalm 5:

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. "


Dina said...

God bless you, Susan! I always give thanks to God when my family (husband included, who was sick last week) gets sick and I don't get it (by being diligent with precautions), because there's no touch like a mother's touch, or a wife's. In my family, God made it so that I am nurturing and able to take care of the "sick ones", but my husband doesn't really have that "gift." I've never had to take care of someone with an extended illness, though, not more than a couple weeks, and my heart just goes out to you and the kids, (as well as Bryan, of course!) to keep up your strength and cheerful attitude. Again, God bless you! And did you discover that your # of steps were approx. the same as Bryan's? (to the end of the block?) BTW, when that first bird starts chirping, isn't it amazing that within 2 to 5 minutes, they are all awake and singing? Love, Dina

Joan said...

Much love to you, Susan. We continue to pray. Hoping to talk with you later today.

The Mckinleys said...

Dear Susan
Be sure that the lord knows and feels your heart ach,and He is able to give Grace and Mercy as much as the pain and even more, to cover and shelter you during this Journey of Suffering.
More love to all of you from the Mckinleys.

Mrs. Theresa Frees said...

YOU ARE SO STRONG... even though I know you must not feel like it right now.
~and~ so pleasant to the our Heavenly Father in your faithful love and service to your family.

It is the reason we are hear.
For it was not good for man to be alone so God created you Susan -for these very days just as much as for the magnificent 'days of happiness' in years past.

Bryan and you are still serving God together, teaching and glorifying his name together. He is still hear with you.

I Know you are afraid of being with out Bryan, I know you are hurting deep and likely a bit mad
(anyway I think I would be) but you are by no means alone- when you started out your cord was created with you & Bryan- but now you have many, many, more...Praise

My heart aches for you and I take it fervently to God in prayer.
Blessings and refreshing be thine Sister.

Sandy Bryan said...

You are ever in our prayers and we are confident that the Lord is working all things for good. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding - He will direct your paths!

Much love,
The Bryan Clan