We Moved (to a new blog)

Choosing to preserve this blog as it is, I have created a new blog about the new chapter in our lives. You can find Running the Race at www.susanpollock.blogspot.com. Looking forward to seeing you there!

A Sunny Day!

We have all longed for a sunny day this spring, and today is it! Jonathan and Josiah cleared the garden patch and put in our one tomato plant. James working diligently right beside. Boy, that kid can swing a mean pickaxe. David was able to get the lawn mowed before heading off to a Civil Air Patrol encampment this weekend. My mom is visiting, so she and Sarah have gone shopping. Chicken is on the bar-b-que and potato salad is chilling in the fridge. This is the perfect time to sit down and update the blog.

Three years ago today, Bryan received his official diagnosis of stage IV recurrent colon cancer. Many things have changed since then, and many things have remained the same. I enjoy to see the laughter and smiles on my children's faces as they play together. I continually thank God for their smooth adjustment to life without Dad. Their activities and school form the structure for our days; beginning and ending with scripture reading, memory work and prayer. Our consistency in this area has greatly improved, which is a blessing to our family in so many aspects.

Last post, I mentioned a possible new house. I made several offers on one "perfect for us" property, but God didn't open that door. I know the right one will come in His perfect time and thus we wait. James continues to pray daily for the new house. He has added a few other requests; a new van, our trip and the church camp out.

His prayer for the new van was answered by "Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think." (Eph. 3:20) I searched for months looking for one that would meet our needs within our price range. Finally, I settled on a van in Portland and planned to travel on a Monday morning, by train, to purchase it. The day before, some friends said they wanted to bless me with their 2005 Chevy Express van since they were purchasing a new one. I was speechless. It has been an incredible gift. Not only did they give us their van, but it was personalized for our family. As you can see by the following before and after photos, we have greatly upgraded.

GO BIG RED!!!!

Amid thunder and lightning, rain and hail, Sarah was able to upload the pictures today. I wrote the original post on Saturday. There is still hope we will have another sunny day!

Surprises

I awoke early Saturday morning, after a good night's sleep, thanked God for it and rolled over to look at my sleeping husband, only to be surprised by the reality, I am a widow. It's so strange when things like this happen to me. It reminds me of when I was a child, and waking up at Grandma's not sure where I was at first, but eventually becoming aware enough to get excited for the surprises the day had in store. Regretfully, being reminded of widowhood is not quite as exciting as Grandma's house, but there are definitely surprises in store for each day.

It seems I have been a bit more tearful lately. I even told the kids I was tired of crying all the time. As a family, we are reading Elisabeth Elliott's Through Gates of Splendor. Trying to read the next to last chapter, I had to keep stopping in order to remove the lump in my throat which kept growing as I attempted to suppress the tears. I finally passed the book off to Sarah, my tears were contagious, Jonathan finished the chapter for us. Another day, something, I don't even remember what, set me off; James crawled into my lap, wiped my tears, and hugged me. The little girls asked what was wrong, before I had a chance to answer he said, "Missing Daddy!" This 3 year old child of ours really surprises me!

This evening he was sitting in the middle of the living room playing with the toy John Deere tractors while chattering about getting a tractor for the new house. Then, he stopped, bowed his head and said, "Pray for the new house," and proceeded to thank God for a new house. In the past few days, he has asked me to pray for a new house. He thinks if we get a new house, then he can have a real "John tractor" or at least a Gator TS. Where do they get these ideas?

Sarah had a fever this evening. Hopefully, she'll be better by Saturday as she is a delegate to the Pierce County Republican Convention. This will be her second time representing the 27th Legislative District and she hopes it will be the last. Don't be surprised, it is not the last as a delegate but, hopefully, the last in the liberal 27th district. Sarah, too, is praying for a new house, one in a more conservative district. Jonathan is praying for a house which is near his school to shorten the commute time and one with fruit trees and a larger garden spot; David wants more space for his dog to run; Josiah would like to raise chickens; the girls would like to have some more space for girl stuff; Daniel needs a bigger kitchen to bake his cakes; and I just want to stay put, crowded in this space with all my chicks under my wings, content with "John tractors" on the living room floor, my eyes tearing up with the memories of raising Bryan's children on Tacoma's Eastside. Maybe I should follow Martin Luther's suggestion when asked what he would do if he knew the world would end tomorrow, "Plant an apple tree!"

God knows our need before we ask! May we rest in His provision and be like the Apostle Paul, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."

Surprisingly trusting Him,

Susan

Almost April

Thank you, Joy, for encouraging me to make a blog post. It has been on my mind since the first of March when Trish reminded me it had been a month since I made an update.


Needless to say, we have been busy! School, art, campaigning, Civil Air Patrol, Highland dance, music, dog obedience school, groceries and laundry fill my days. We have celebrated two birthdays so far this year: James, 3 and Sarah, 21! James' was a fun family time as we spent a few days at Long Beach with my parents. It was probably the coldest time ever at the beach for us and we all determined James' birthday should have been in August instead of March. We really did have a great time, though. We can't decide which was our highlight of the trip--the "congested area" sign as we approached Long Beach on a deserted highway or the visit to the Columbia Heritage Museum. A Pollock vacation is not complete without a trip through history!

More Pollock history was made when Sarah spent her 21st birthday in the beer garden at a Celtic Faire in Puyallup. Now before you start passing judgement on my firstborn, let me explain. Esther has a friend who Irish dances and we thought she would be dancing on a stage in Pioneer Park. When we arrived, we only found a dog show (Irish Wolfhounds and the like). We were unable to locate the dancers stage so we decided to wander through town to see what other Celtic things the merchants were displaying. As we approached the beer garden tent, I, jokingly, said to Sarah, "Go on in and I'll wait out here with the kids." Much to our surprise, this is where we found the dancers. We all went in and had the opportunity to see a very good demonstration of Irish dancing which we thought we had missed. The rain on the way back to the car didn't even dampen our spirits. That evening, our family went out for gluten-free hamburgers and fries! The owner of Friesenburgers was surprised we would choose his restaurant as a place of 21 st celebration, but joined in the fun by serving Sarah's burger with a candle. A special day, indeed. I only wish Bryan could have been with us to give his traditional birthday prayer.

Sarah is involved in campaigning this year to bring about change in Washington State and Washington, DC! Her passion for politics is very contagious. Her friends often roll their eyes at how every conversation she is able to turn into a political discussion. Pray for her as she decides whether or not to pursue a degree or just take some classes for more political enrichment.

Jonathan begins Pierce College Monday, March 29 as he starts the process of whittling away the prerequisites for entering into a nursing program. Besides his classes, he also has the opportunity to play with the community orchestra. It will be wonderful to hear our house filled with his violin again. Pray for diligence as he steps into the arena of college education.

David continues to pipe and played this week at the Harp and Shamrock, an Irish store in the Proctor District here in Tacoma. He has played for them for St. Patty's Day for 3 or 4 years now. They have also requested for him to come play in May for a cancer benefit among the merchants in that community. One of these days, I would like to see him pipe for his dancing siblings. His music, his dog and his school fill the hours of his days. The most exciting thing for him recently, though, was the opportunity to fly to Mt. St. Helens and back, at the controls. It was the third time in his life in a plane and he operated the machine! He and Josiah are currently enrolled in ground school. Hopefully, a pilot license or two will be the result! My prayer is one of them may possibly become Missionary Aviation Fellowship pilots--or some type of involvement with missionary pilots.

The others continue to move forward in their education. I still haven't obtained the new normal which I thought I would by now. It may never come, but we continue to persevere with God's grace and mercy day to day. I still haven't finished all the thank you notes. I hope I haven't offended anyone, but I'm continuing to push through them and find myself still blessed by each card of condolence. Yours is coming if you haven't received it yet! On that note, I need to blog a bit more often, too. Those who I see day to day know what's happening in our life, but many of you, some who only know me through the blog, would like to be kept abreast on how to pray for us as we carry on.

By God's grace, we have been relatively healthy through the winter and now it is spring! Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous! Today returned to a typical Pacific Northwest spring day--sun, hail, downpour, sun, rain--the weather was unable to make up it's mind! As a native Northwesterner, I love it!

Loving each of you for your support for our family. Thank you for your encouragement. May God use us to glorify Him in our circumstance!

Susan

Happy February

I awoke this morning thinking about my mother-in-law Lucie's property tax, of all things. I couldn't remember if they were paid in November; I couldn't even remember if we had received a bill for them. I jumped out of bed and began to research my notes and found the statements, the pay stubs were missing, but my usual paid notations were not there. I went to the online banking account and found a check in the correct amount. Took a look at the check, it was dated November 6 and Bryan had signed it. Obviously, one of the last checks I had him sign for her. This also explains why I had no recollection of the transaction taking place. A lot has happened in my mind since November 6.

Last night, I was talking with some friends about my own memory issues. For years, I have had difficulty remembering things. Bryan always told me it was a season and it would all come back to me. I am glad he had confidence in that; I'm not so sure. The children and I have been trying to memorize the book of James. They pick it up so fast and I keep struggling with it. It becomes quite comical at times. We review all together and then each one says it alone. I can review with the group fine, and silently with each one I am fine, but when it is my turn, I can barely get passed the first sentence. We all laugh and it is good humor, at the same time, my inability to recall something we have worked on over and over again bothers me.

We are slowly returning to a normal schedule. The children are back to the grind with school and their various activities. It is an election year which has Sarah committed to a campaign and following the happenings in Olympia and around the country. Jonathan and David plan on beginning their college educations spring quarter. David and Josiah are working their way up the ranks of Civil Air Patrol; their first promotion is tonight. Esther, Daniel, Hannah and Grace have added Highland Dance back into their schedule. James, well, he keeps us all busy! I'm just the mom trying to keep everything moving forward.

Recently, I was struggling with the thought of being both mom and dad to my children. There is no way I can fill Bryan's shoes. He was so much more to my children than I can even dream of being. While sharing this concern to a friend, they told me I don't have to be anything but their mother. God has called me to be the mother and that is my responsibility. That revelation removed a burden and I can trust in God's Word when He says He is a father to the fatherless.

My crazy start to the day has things a bit out of order. I need to spend sometime in the Word before my family descends upon me looking for breakfast. Thank you for your continual prayers. God is so merciful, kind and loving. I am so thankful I am part of the family of God.

In His Grace,

Susan

Two Month Anniversary of the Memorial Service

Things are still going well. Life is beginning to develop some structure and have a sense of progress out of the holidays. I had set a goal to finish all my thank yous by today, but, alas, I have not. I was recently reading a book on etiquette (trying to find out the correct way of signing my name as a widow) when I learned there is no deadline for condolence thank you notes, just do it. Thus, I will continue on. Thank you for your patience!

We had prayer meeting at our house last night. It truly was a blessing to open our home for ministry once again. The best part about having over 40 people in our small home is getting the house cleaned and the basement organized. I went downstairs with the kids to try and put some order to our junk. Just what was in all these boxes? The first one I opened had a collection of memorabilia from our wedding. Not a good way to begin the day. I initially fell apart; we were saving these things for our 25th wedding anniversary party. The day will be recognized, but a celebration together will not take place. David comforted me and said, "Mom, it wasn't part of God's plan." I am so thankful for the faith of my children.

On Sunday, a friend asked if I was lonely. I hadn't really thought about it. Caring for nine children doesn't allow much time to think about being lonely, let alone feeling it. I can't imagine how lonely I would be if only I had two children--Sarah and Jonathan--all grown up and moved on to their adult lives. I would be very, very lonely. It wasn't part of God's plan. I am so thankful for all nine of my children.

Thank you,

Mrs. Bryan Pollock

Memorial Service DVD

The memorial service DVD is here. To order, click on the 'Buy Now' button on the right-hand side. There is a nominal fee of $4.00 to cover shipping and handling.

Merry Christmas

The first day of Christmas is almost over, only eleven more to go!

We had the opportunity of spending time with the Pollocks and the Phillips. Jeff and Lucie came for dinner Christmas Eve. Prior to eating they watched "It's A Wonderful Life" while Jonathan and I went to visit our friend, Joe, and his wife, Christine. Joe is now at a Hospice House here in Tacoma. Joe and Bryan began chemo at the same time last January. They both fought hard to the end and now we await Joe's passing. Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

My mom and dad arrived today in time for a late morning breakfast. After clearing the table and straightening up, we began the process of opening the gifts under the tree. Amazingly, James fell asleep before we finished the job. It was a fun day full of laughter and delight. Bryan's picture, with his warm smile, sat on the mantle looking over all the festivities. He was not far from my thoughts. A couple of weeks ago, I heard a song on the radio:

Christmas In Heaven

2008 words and music by Jeremy Johnson and Paul Marino

December hasn’t changed
This town looks the same
They still light that tree in the city square
There’s red, white, and green shining everywhere
And I wish you were here
And I wonder . . .

CHORUS:
Is the snow falling down on the streets of gold?
Are the mansions all covered in white?
Are you singing with angels Silent Night?
I wonder . . . what Christmas in Heaven is like

There’s a little manger scene
Down on Third and Main
I must have walked right by it a thousand times
But I see it now in a different light
Cause I know you are there
And I wonder . . .

Are you kneeling with shepherds before Him now?
Can you reach out and touch His face?
Are you part of that glorious holy night?
I wonder . . . .what Christmas in Heaven is like

At first, it was emotional for me to listen to this song, but when I thought about it I realized that it is always a Resurrection celebration in heaven!

I really do wonder what Christmas in heaven is like.

Pilgrim Bible Christmas Caroling

Tonight is Pilgrim Bible's annual night of Christmas caroling. We go out into the community near where we meet and sing. Knocking on doors, we offer a flyer inviting those who answer to our Sunday services and then we wish them a Merry Christmas. This has been a favorite tradition of Bryan's during the past 20 years of ministry! He loved singing the carols and listening to the rich music of the season. At home, the Christmas music usually starts playing about the same time Cornhusker football is kicking off! This evening, all of my children, except for Grace, have gone to meet with the other families at church. Grace and I have remained home because she is running a fever and complaining of upset stomach. Needless to say, she is very disappointed.

To be honest, I know it is a providence of God, because I think it would be very emotional for me to remember all the years of cold, snow, rain, ice, pushing a stroller or waddling pregnant, singing and laughing all the way while Bryan led us in one carol after another increasing his pitch as the night wore on. Then, returning to the church for tea, coffee, hot cider or cocoa to discuss how well we were or were not received. Even last year, while it was cold and snowing, Bryan being thin and in pain, endured the elements to sing for a block or two. He about froze, and it took a long while to get him warm again, but he thoroughly enjoyed himself!

We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year!

One Month

I find it nearly impossible to believe Bryan has been gone for a month. Time does travel rapidly; life is a vapor. David and I were discussing this today. Eternity has no beginning and no end, thus, we all enter it at the same time; a deep theological discussion for another time.

God has so graciously carried us through this month. I am thankful for my children, my extended family, friends and even acquaintances who have blessed us in a variety of ways these past few days: hugs, notes, phone calls, flowers, sympathy cards, monthly financial support, meals, emails, Facebook posts and comments, the mortgage paid in full, visits from friends and family close (Tacoma, Lakewood, Puyallup) and far (Saskatchewan, California, Oregon, Utah, Maryland), food, contributions to the memorial fund (even from complete strangers), computer help, a new computer, sharing remembrances, crying with us, listening to us cry, sharing facial tissue, sharing scriptures, praying with us, praying for us ... we are loved! THANK YOU!

We have remained healthy, for the most part. James was ill last week, turned out to be a nasty ear infection. He is feeling much better now!

It has been a full week visiting with Jeanette, Priscilla and Alexis Bittner from Maryland. Jeanette helped me clean my room which had not been properly dealt with for two years! It looks and feels so good. She also went Christmas ornament shopping with me. Each year Bryan and I have purchased a new ornament for each child which they open on Christmas eve. Jeanette helped me make those difficult "perfect" decisions. We have had some good laughs and good cries. They leave tomorrow morning; it will be difficult seeing them go. Please pray for Jeanette as she is beginning her own battle with thyroid cancer.

James continues to remind us "Daddy died. Jesus. Heaven." It is so sweet! As a family, we are slowly memorizing the Book of James. We have had some great times around the dinner table with our verses. It always amazes me how fast little people can grasp difficult passages and I am also entertained by their sincere attempt at understanding. When my uncle was a boy he used to sing "Bringing in the Sheets," our hymnal titles that song "Bringing in the Sheaves." Most boys know about sheets, but just what is a sheaf? One of my children sang "Silent Night, Silent Night, Holy Scum" a few years ago while playing the piano. It was one of the few things I actually wrote down. As a mom, I think I will always remember, but I don't. That is a thought of mine now, that I will not remember everything about my husband, so I am trying to write it down when memories come to mind. It is important for my children, especially the younger ones, to have knowledge of who he was as a husband, father, pastor and friend!

I am wanting to put together a scrapbook with photos and remembrances of Bryan that we can look at so the younger children can know of him before cancer; Hannah, Grace, and James were all born after his initial cancer diagnosis, Esther and Daniel were 4 and 2, at that time. As friends and family, I would like for you to make contributions to this book. Do you have a funny story, a testimony, a vacation memory, anything that you think would build the real Bryan Pollock in the minds of my children? Please send it to be included in our scrapbook!

Brrr! It is cold and late (or early, depending on how you look at the clock)! Good night and God Bless!

Sunday

I hope and pray everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We have so much for which to be thankful!

We had Bryan's mom, Lucie, and his brother, Jeff, over for dinner. The girls and Daniel spent most of the day preparing a delicious meal. Daniel made the most outstanding gluten free, dairy free apple pie. This young man will be a chef, yet, maybe even a gluten free chef!

My thoughts were filled of Thanksgivings past...

The year Bryan and I both had fevers and the kids were sick, too. We still cooked that turkey and all the trimmings. When it was time to eat, we sat at the table and looked at the food said we were thankful and went to bed. Lots of leftovers that year!

Our annual tradition was to spend Thursday with my parents in Portland and then Friday with Bryan's parents watching the Cornhusker game. When my parents traveled to California to see my brother and his family, we usually celebrated Thanksgiving with military families in church. They often were far from "home." Good memories with great friends!

...and Thanksgivings future...

We really don't know the future and I am thankful we don't have a crystal ball to discover it. If I had, I most likely would have run away from the most sanctifying experiences of my life. God is good--all the time--and though there is sadness and heartache He bottles those tears (Psalm 56:8). He knows each tear and accounts for each tear. Bryan used to tell me, "It is okay to cry, it is your strength." He was so right! "This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. (Psalm 56:9b-11a)

At Last....

I intend to keep up with the blog and apologize to those who have been looking for posts and not able to find them. We have been having computer troubles and are not able to access the internet for some unknown reason. My neighbors have offered the use of their computer to me this evening for which I am very thankful!

The services for Bryan were very God honoring and Bryan honoring, too. As someone said to me, Bryan would have enjoyed them. I was overwhelmed at the attendance and thankful for each one of you who took time out of your Saturday to attend. Regretfully, I was unable to speak to everyone there and have been pleased with the number of pictures people took which allowed me to see those in attendance with whom I did not get to speak. The service and photo montage were recorded and will be made into a DVD.

We continue to be blessed by the love and support of family and friends. The church ladies have been bringing dinners to us this week. We have received numerous offers of help in anything necessary. The cards and letters are so encouraging and supportive, too. I know we are not alone. God has provided well for us and will continue to do so. He has kept me strong throughout the past two weeks.

Tuesday, I returned some blankets to the Seattle Cancer Treatment and Wellness Center. The emotions took me by surprise as I walked up the front steps. My mind was flooded with memories of Bryan struggling to get up the stairs and then in recent days riding in the wheelchair. The nurses greeted me with hugs and to my surprise, the program from the service was posted in the nurses station. Dr. Chen had attended the service and brought it back to share with the others. I was able to personally thank each one for the care they gave to Bryan.

The children are doing well. Sweet James keeps telling us "Daddy died. Jesus." I am amazed at the comprehension he has for such deep theology. Each one is caring for me in their own way. I have a bed partner each night with my three youngest taking turns.

Tomorrow is Bryan's birthday. I don't yet know how we plan to celebrate. We had originally planned to have a beverage smorgasbord so he could participate in his birthday celebration. Now, he is feasting in heaven, no more drains and tubes, no more hiccups, no more fatigue, only the pleasures of worshipping the King of Kings and Lord of Lords forever more!

Hopefully, we will have our computer problem solved soon and I will be more faithful in posting here on the blog. Sharing our new journey....Susan for the Pollock clan

A LOCATION!!!

Praise God! Through the diligent efforts of many a location for Saturday's services has been found!

We will gather at 11:00am at Life Center Church, 1717 S. Union Ave, Tacoma, WA 98405.
For driving directions:
http://www.life-center.org/WeeklyServices/DrivingDirections/tabid/216/Default.aspx

Thank You

Louise would like everyone to know we have all the cookies we need. Thank you to all who have volunteered to provide this dessert.

Obituary

Bryan R. Pollock went home to be with the Lord Monday, November 9, 2009 following a long, courageous battle with cancer.
He was born November 21, 1951 in Albuquerque, NM, the second son of Ralph B. Pollock and Lucie L. (Nunns) Pollock. At an early age, his family moved to the Northwest where he attended schools in Washington and Oregon. He graduated from Sunset High School, Beaverton, in 1970. While a student at Portland State University, he came to the Lord through the ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. Following graduation in 1974, he worked a short time for General Foods then joined Campus Crusade as a journalist for Worldwide Challenge magazine. This work gave him opportunities to minister in California and Mexico. While in Mexico, the Lord called him to full time pulpit ministry. He left Crusade to attend Western Conservative Baptist Seminary in Portland, Oregon. It was during this time he met Susan Lyn Phillips, whom he married May 16, 1987. Their first year together was spent in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada as an intern at Circle Drive Alliance Church. Upon completion of the internship they returned to the U.S. where he began his first pastorate at Bethesda Baptist Church in Tacoma, WA. In 1999, he left Bethesda to plant a new work, Pilgrim Bible Church, where he remained as pastor until his death. He is survived by his wife, Susan, and children: Sarah, Jonathan, David, Josiah, Esther, Daniel, Hannah, Grace and James, all of Tacoma; as well as his mother, Lucie and brother, Jeffrey of Sumner,WA; and father and mother- in-law Gerald and Joleen Phillips of Beaverton, OR and brother and sister-in-law, Jeffrey and Irma Phillips of Mission Viejo, CA and their children Brandon and Alexa; and many cousins, aunts and uncles.
A devoted father, Bryan, was committed to all aspects of his children’s lives especially their home education, which led him to serve on the board of Christian Heritage Home Educators of Washington. But, most importantly, he shared his faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. Bryan’s life will continue to stand as a powerful testimony to all who knew him. Stalwart faithfulness, holy affection for God, passion for the truth of God’s Word, loving father, husband, & pastor—these are just a few of the qualities that shone from his life.
A memorial service will be at 11:00AM, on Saturday, November 14, 2009 at Life Center, 1717 S. Union Avenue, Tacoma, WA 98405. A fund has been established for the ongoing support of his family. Checks made out to Pilgrim Bible Church can be sent to 14207 81st Ave. E., Puyallup, WA 98373 designated for the Bryan Pollock Memorial Fund. For more information, please go to www.bryanpollock.blogspot.com.

Arrangements by Mountain View Funeral Home. 253-584-0252 Please sign the online guestbook at www.mountainviewtacoma.com.

Service Opportunity

Many of you have offered help. We have an opportunity presented. We need 125 dozen cookies/cookie bars to serve as dessert at the memorial service. The main food will be catered by John and Leslie O'Brien, we just need people to bring dessert. If you can help, please contact Louise Emery by phone or e-mail. Thank you so much!

Louise Emery
253-238-8621
alwayssandl@comcast.net

Brenda Ng, for the Pollocks

He is Home!

My dad passed away tonight at 10pm. It was a peaceful passing as he merely fell asleep and awoke in Heaven. Though our separation is painful, we know that God causes all things to work together for good, and we rest tonight in His goodness."For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." (2nd Cor. 5:1)

We will post the time and place of the services as soon as they are established.

Rejoicing in the mercy of God!
Jonathan

Near Home

Bryan's condition has deteriorated significantly during the night, and it appears that he doesn't have much longer to live.

He's surrounded by his family and is as comfortable as he's able to be.

Please pray for a peaceful homegoing, and for encouragement for the Pollock family.

John Douglass, for the Pollocks

Sunday

Bryan is currently running a fever with chills. I spoke with Dr. Chen and he assumes it is an infection of the biliary drain which is no longer draining due to the blood clot. He has ordered IV antibiotics which will be delivered here tonight so we can administer them at home. I have not left his side all day; making sure I am there when he opens his eyes.

It is difficult for me to make these decisions alone. We have always prayed together and discussed pros and cons when making difficult decisions; I guess this is the beginning to my next chapter in life. Jonathan has prayed with me. He is such a strong support. I thank God for each of the children and the various needs God has prepared them to meet at this time. Even James has a smile and kiss for Bryan every time he comes into the room. I love to hear their play and banter as I tend to my husbands needs--this is not possible at the hospital, thus I choose to remain at home.

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
12 Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20 For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

Latest News- Good and Bad

It's been a long and grueling week!

Sunday- Bryan did not have the strength for church. We were very encouraged by the amount of bile draining in the new tubing, until the blood returned.

Monday- The bleeding continued and obviously his hematocrit and hemoglobin were falling due to his shortness of breath and increasing fatigue. Also, the edema increased rapidly in his abdominal cavity.

Tuesday- Chemo day! The increased fluid in his body makes walking and general balance virtually impossible. As a result, he fell going out the front door when he reached his walker over the threshold beyond his ability to step. Through valiant efforts of my sons, we got him into the wheelchair and into the car. The scales indicated Bryan was carrying 30lbs of fluid! No wonder it was so difficult; with a dry weight of 108lbs, his muscle atrophy cannot support 139lbs. The blood work indicated he was a quart low so Dr. Chen determined he should have a couple units of blood instead of chemo. Arrangements were made to transfuse at Valley Medical, a new hospital for Bryan! He was transported to Valley by ambulance, because he passed out while at the chemo center. It was a long night! Due to the excess fluid, the blood had to be transfused very slowly to prevent congestive heart failure. We arrived home around 3:00am.

Wednesday- We all slept -- except those who remained home Tuesday. The best news of this day, Sarah is now a licensed driver. This will help in many ways. Thank you to all those who helped her achieve this goal.

Thursday- Bryan stayed in bed all day. The fluid continues to increase and with it the weakness and inability to move his own body. Jonathan and I have become quite a team providing the care Bryan needs. I find God's ways unfathomable at times and yet I know "His lovingkindness is everlasting." (Psalm 136)

Friday- whew, we made it to today! You see, the doctors have determined they have done all they can do until his bilirubin level comes down. The bili can come down if the drain works and it can work only if it is not clotted with blood. The blood flows from the tumors in the liver which respond to the chemo that can only be infused with a lower bilirubin level. It is a vicious circle that only the mercy of God can break. Thus, we continue to pray for that miracle knowing that it can come here or on the other side of Glory! Bryan has asked that we don't call hospice, yet. He is still determined to overcome this disease. He is still fighting a very tough battle! We fight alongside--meeting all his needs to the best of our ability.

From Streams in the Desert:

God takes the most eminent and choicest of His servants for the choicest and most eminent afflictions. They who have received most grace from God are able to bear most afflictions from God. Affliction does not hit the saint by chance, but by direction. God does not draw His bow at a venture. Every one of His arrows goes upon a special errand and touches no breast but his against whom it is sent. It is not only the grace, but the glory of a believer when he can stand and take affliction quietly. --Joseph Caryl