Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I awoke early Saturday morning, after a good night's sleep, thanked God for it and rolled over to look at my sleeping husband, only to be surprised by the reality, I am a widow. It's so strange when things like this happen to me. It reminds me of when I was a child, and waking up at Grandma's not sure where I was at first, but eventually becoming aware enough to get excited for the surprises the day had in store. Regretfully, being reminded of widowhood is not quite as exciting as Grandma's house, but there are definitely surprises in store for each day.

It seems I have been a bit more tearful lately. I even told the kids I was tired of crying all the time. As a family, we are reading Elisabeth Elliott's Through Gates of Splendor. Trying to read the next to last chapter, I had to keep stopping in order to remove the lump in my throat which kept growing as I attempted to suppress the tears. I finally passed the book off to Sarah, my tears were contagious, Jonathan finished the chapter for us. Another day, something, I don't even remember what, set me off; James crawled into my lap, wiped my tears, and hugged me. The little girls asked what was wrong, before I had a chance to answer he said, "Missing Daddy!" This 3 year old child of ours really surprises me!

This evening he was sitting in the middle of the living room playing with the toy John Deere tractors while chattering about getting a tractor for the new house. Then, he stopped, bowed his head and said, "Pray for the new house," and proceeded to thank God for a new house. In the past few days, he has asked me to pray for a new house. He thinks if we get a new house, then he can have a real "John tractor" or at least a Gator TS. Where do they get these ideas?

Sarah had a fever this evening. Hopefully, she'll be better by Saturday as she is a delegate to the Pierce County Republican Convention. This will be her second time representing the 27th Legislative District and she hopes it will be the last. Don't be surprised, it is not the last as a delegate but, hopefully, the last in the liberal 27th district. Sarah, too, is praying for a new house, one in a more conservative district. Jonathan is praying for a house which is near his school to shorten the commute time and one with fruit trees and a larger garden spot; David wants more space for his dog to run; Josiah would like to raise chickens; the girls would like to have some more space for girl stuff; Daniel needs a bigger kitchen to bake his cakes; and I just want to stay put, crowded in this space with all my chicks under my wings, content with "John tractors" on the living room floor, my eyes tearing up with the memories of raising Bryan's children on Tacoma's Eastside. Maybe I should follow Martin Luther's suggestion when asked what he would do if he knew the world would end tomorrow, "Plant an apple tree!"

God knows our need before we ask! May we rest in His provision and be like the Apostle Paul, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."

Surprisingly trusting Him,



Carolyn Young said...

Oh, Susan, I remember that fleeting feeling of relief upon waking up and thinking it was all a nightmare, and then remembering that it wasn't. Praying for the Lord's perfect comfort and wisdom as you have to keep on going and making such important decisions! He has blessed you with wonderful children and their father's investment in them has not been squandered. Love you!

Joan said...

Me, too, Susan. Thanks for sharing. James is amazing! I look forward to our next time to catch up. Hugs to you.

Nanci said...

Continuing to pray without ceasing for you all.
I wish I had something to say that would help you...

Art Lutz said...

Hi Susan--I think of you and your family often. I pray for you with the hope that time will ease your suffering and sadness.

Art Lutz